It Was Over Before It Ended.

Couldn't you tell from my distant demeanor
That our story ended long before the curtain finally burned?
That my smiles and laughs were all just a mockery of the last three years?
For five months strong I was a fake
A prop
Just some bitch in a theatrical play
God damn I shoulda been an actress.

And you,
Walking in to YOUR domain at the end of the day
Where you find two beautiful children
And a wonderful woman,
Who had turned herself inside out
Become the exact opposite of everything she wanted to be
Because its what you expected
You'd walk right past, to that beautiful 42 incher
with all those graphics, and all those people all over the world behind the screen
You played a priest baby, in that W.O.W. factor game and out of it.
All high and mighty.
King of the land....

We went ignored, day, after day, after day.

Three years I told you over and over
That I needed more than an empty shell with a work agenda
And three years that's all I got.
Sorry I couldn't become a shell with you.

This heart of mine.

So, I have this thing in my chest...It's called a heart. And it's mildly retarded and has never been able to make a decision when it needs to the most. I shouldn't be here....The things keeping me here are huge and powerful, but not good enough reasons to stay either.

I love you. I know that much...Things are so complicated.
I'm sorry you're not getting everything you deserve.

I'm a pussy.

I'm bad at this.

So, I'm no good at this blogging thing. One blog since I started this in May? Pathetic Erynn! I guess life gets busy though right?

Anyway....Lets see if I can give a short summery of the last few months.

I turned 21 May 12th and was pregnant for it so I didn't do anything. Went camping in June with my boyfriends family. The camping trip was alright, the weather was shitty though so we were all cold and damp the whole trip then it poured on sunday so I made Chris skip out on fishing and stuff and we packed up and split early. July 7th I gave birth to our second child. A big boy weighing 9 pounds 13 ounces, and 22 inches long. His name is Khai Alexander. :) My mom came down from Alaska the week after he was born and stayed till the 4th. My daughter turned 2 July 23rd. It was the biggest birthday party I've ever seen. There were 35+ people. It was huge. The 30th through the first was another camping trip. This time at the coast. We took a wine tasting trip stopping at a bunch of vineyards from my house to Lincoln City. It ended at Devils Lake camp ground. Spent the weekend wake boarding and drinking and of course took a trip to the casino on sunday before we headed home and I won 100 bucks off of 5 dollars in a 5 cent slot machine. Beginners luck I say....My little sister in Alaska was put in the hospital, she's still there. They think that her lungs aren't strong enough to breath out the CO2 on their own so technically her body is poisoning itself and it's making her really sick. On top of that she got a flu bug and her body quit in-taking nutrients...It hasn't been good for her. From what I hear she's doing a little better though so we'll see how things go. It was almost to the point of life support for a while there. I'm glad she made a turn around.
And now here I am. Writing this blog to update my one reader on whats been going on in life. At the moment my good friend Tyler Hartman (a musician from North Dakota) is on a roadtrip going through 7 states in 8 days. and it's ending here in Salem at a hotel right around the corner from me. He'll be here Tuesday night and heading out on Thursday. Wednesday is Open Mic Night at my favorite coffee shop in town and I'm totally signing us up! I'm very nervous about this because I have major stage fright. But we'll see how it goes!
Well that's my current life for ya! Have a good one.

Meat

Well, this blog was inspired by a friend of a friend whom I like to call Comcast Steve and also by a youtube video I happened to come across while using the ever so popular StumbleUpon toolbar that has captured and crazed internet users everywhere. Before jumping full fledged into this blog I'd like to point out that the video mentioned is about becoming vegan, but that is not at all what it has led me to decide... SO!! Here we go!

After watching(and making my boyfriend watch) the youtube video known as "Meet Your Meat" I've become REALLY keen on the idea of not eating meat sold by big corporate industries. I'm not sure how difficult this will be living in a city, but I'm determined to at least make an attempt. The way animals are treated and the lengths that the industry will go just to save a buck is horrifying. I've got my doubts on just how healthy the meat we intake on a daily basis is, what with the FDA allowing animals to be housed in the same vicinity as other animals dead and rotting from malnutrition and steroid/hormone overdoses. Along with letting cancerous lesions, and infected wounds going untreated...this is the meat we are putting into our bodies? I'm just not okay with that.

By all means I am an omnivore. I sure love my veggies but I also absolutely love a good, large steak any day of the week and I don't plan on that permanently changing any time soon. I don't believe that killing an animal for my own nutrition is wrong by any means. It's a circle of life and EVERY species participates in it. BUT I do how ever care deeply about the quality of life of any creature. So while I was grocery shopping yesterday evening, meat was left off of my list. And hopefully will continue to be left off until I can find locally raised, butchered, and packaged meat. If anyone has any information on this please let me know.

Peephole View

This is what new looks like. I've never seen myself as much of a writer outside of poetry, but I figured I might as well give this a try. Welcome to this little peephole to my life. Hopefully there will be more to come.